Heartbeat

There are a few things that I can't explain. I don't know what I feel.
Sometimes I feel like it's all over. But suddently, a photo or a facebook comment changes it all.I'm questioning everything I though I knew. All over again. What did I do wrong? Ohh, fuck. I know the answer and the it's quite long. I've listed it on, over and over.
I wish I could be there all over again. I wasn't good, I didn't like me there, but I was passionate about the things that I could do there. And maybe, that was the problem. I focused too much in what I wanted.
I think a lot. That's actually what I'm good at. Look, check the opportunities and go for it. I'm not good organizing it, managing it. I'm good at thinking and doing it. Organizing is not my kind of thing. It never was. I never knew how to be, what to do, what to think in there. When I saw it comming, I just reacted. And when I was realizing that I could find a way to be me...Some ajustments, a few things...here and there that could change it all...Well, it already was too late.
All I needed was time to deep into the path and think. Time to talk with people who didn't know how to do it either. In the end of it, we all got it all. All it takes is listening, talking and putting it all together. Maybe I got it all too late. Maybe I did it all wrong. Maybe... Maybe...

I think, I guess, maybe, I don't know...This words still come out my mouth everytime I try to explain myself what happened. But when I hear something about it, when I see something about it, when I hear about them, when I see them...My heart starts beating so fast that I can feel it in every part of my body. I might had been a failure...a total disaster, but I could do things for it that nobody could ever imagine. I loved it.

Now, what is in the past is in the past. The scar is so ugly! But the pain is gone. It will take me a lot of time to heal. The damage is too deep. But it's a start.